Fabulous Miss S.

Friday Five -- Five things you don't know about me

1. When I was about 5 years old, I filled an old empty conditioner bottle with water and poured water into this little indentation area in our coffee table and I would drive little matchbox car's through the water pretending they were driving with one tire in the ditch.  For some reason this really captivated me. I remember doing this a lot until one day when my Mom caught me pouring water onto the wooden coffee table and it suddenly ended. I remember feeling very guilty and very discovered.

2. Once, when I was about four years old I was severely constipated and my Mom made me drink a huge glass of prune juice and then I promptly threw it up all over the concrete driveway and the stain lasted for a very long time acting as reminder to eat some damn fiber.

3. I really want to be a mom more than anything else in the world.  I hope from job to job because I don't have a passion, well, rather, my passion isn't paying me much right now.  Not many people understand that I don't want to work outside of my home.  And! That doesn't mean that I don't want to leave my home, but that I want to do something on my time, from my home.  I want children and a family more than anything else I have ever wanted.  When people tell me that "I am young and should wait and be married for several years before I have kids," it makes me irrationally incensed because, who the fuck are you to tell me what is right for me? Oh, and if you think I am referring to you, don't because I get this from coworkers, friends, neighbors, even doctors!

4. I can change the oil in my car and a tire.  I am very proud of this fact too.

5. I went to preschool with Chelsea Clinton and we used to go to each other's birthday parties.  I have pictures and home videos too.

On realizing you are without class

I was just outside walking the dog and I heard classical piano music oozing out of my neighbor's house.  I think it is the 11 year old playing an actual piano.

When I returned to my house after allowing Hines to pee on other people's landscaping, I noticed Marc, asleep on the sofa with a hockey game blaring loudly on the television and my unwashed dishes from my dinner of breaded fish sticks and kraft macaroni and cheese in the sink and seven pairs of shoes sitting in the doorway undecided on whether or not they will walk themselves into the closet. Excuse me, I have to go yell at the dog for humping the sofa pillows. 

All press is good press except when there is typo

As an aspiring freelance writer I will take any exposure I can get.  I am attempting to make my writing and daily posts a little more clean and focused.  I try to write with authority regardless of whether or not I know a damn thing about what I'm saying.  Say, for example, over at WeddingTactics ... I write as though I am the wedding master; The Queen of ALL Things Matrimonial.  I even run a spell check.

Exposure, press, acknowledgment? It is all good.

Except when it is WRONG. 

Every morning I pick up the Express at the train station and turn anxiously to the second to last page to read the Blog Log. I LUV ME that blog log. I scan the page with the hopes that I might have gotten a write up.  I have been mentioned in the on-line version several times and what a thrill that was!

You can imagine my surprise when I sat down on the train, having given up the hope that my blog would be featured.  I carefully and thoroughly read the far right column where there is a reference to the very sad situation of Kathy Sierra, a blogger who has become a prisoner in her own home, afraid to leave due to recent death threats, also known as cyberstalking.  I read about Paris Hilton's new special breed dwarf cat and about southwest passengers who are afraid to fall asleep in the middle seat, lest they curl up with the unknown stranger packed tightly next to them.

THEN!  I saw it. MY BLAWG.  And! I got a picture too.  A pretty up-close shot of gorgeous cherry blossoms.  I totally wasn't pining for a mention in the Express when I wrote about seeing the blossoms yesterday, I was just trying to attract and audience with my expression and observations.

The problem?  My site is listed incorrectly. NO ONE will link to me because in the mention of my blog there is a typo.  Bah.

Due to this egregious yet total oversight of an error, I would like to extend my services and availability to the editors of the Express.  I can write. I can read. I can spell check and fact check. I can also proofread and edit.  I am available on short notice for freelance or permanent hire.  Please contact me. You know the site.  There is a link to my email on the main page, or you can click here. My rates are reasonable as I am a freelancer and will take whatever I can get.  I am good. You will not be let down.

Please, consider it, eh? If you hire me, I will never again write about errors and typos found in the Express.

Blossoms

As I got off the train this morning at Silver Spring, I looked over toward the Metro station and noticed that trees are full of white blossoms.

I took a deep breath of realization that Spring is essentially here. No more cold. No more furnace running at night. No more long black coat and scarf and gloves.  No more starting my car ten minutes early to melt the ice on the windshield.

It is time to transplant my lettuce and start my tomato seeds.  It is time to mulch the front landscape beds and plant colorful flowers and ground cover.  It is time to open the windows and run from thunderstorms. And prepare for six months of heat-induced smeared make-up and ass sweat. 

It is Spring.

housework meme

aprons - y/n? I love aprons. I have one. I hardly ever wear it because I always forget about it.  Perhaps I should, ya know?  Wiping my hands on my ass and the front of my shirt just isn’t going to cut it forever.

baking – No, I work during the day. Wish I had more time for it.

clothesline - y/n? In a suburban townhouse that would be a little ghetto.  I do love me that fresh from the dryer smell! Maybe it’d be okay if I had 30 acres in the country where the sunshine actually had a fresh smell.

donuts - ever made them? No.

everyday - one homemaking thing you do everyday? Put dishes in the dishwasher and wipe the kitchen counter. Oh, and I whine about the damn overflowing trash cans.

freezer - do you have a separate deep freezer? Yes. Waist-high freezer filled with chili and soup, frozen SmartOnes meals and left over ice cream birthday cake from Baskin Robbins.

garbage disposal - y/n? Hell yeah.

handbook - y/n? Yes, of course. I have a handbook, with June Cleaver’s face on the front and I wear knee-length skirts and serve Marc on a silver platter. Oh, no, I actually work for a living. Nevermind. Are you talking about my company’s employee handbook!?

ironing - love it or hate it? Love the look. Hate the activity.  Clothes have been known to sit for up to 8 months waiting for ironing from me.

junk drawer - where is it? Purposefully the smallest drawer in the kitchen between the dishwasher and sink.

kitchen - design and decorating? Ceramic tile floors, white appliances, sea foam green walls and light colored wood cabinets.

love - what is your favorite part of homemaking? Having a warm-in-the-winter, cool-in-the-summer comfortable, safe, relaxing, fresh smelling place where you want to curl up and read a book and never leave.

mop - y/n? Yeah right. Swiffer!

nylons - wash them by hand or in the washer? Who the fuck wears nylons anymore?  Sheesh. But in any case, just toss them in the washer, preferably in a linen/delicates bags.

oven - do you use the window or open it to check? Both.

pizza - what do you put on yours? Pineapple and Jalapeno

quiet - what do you do during the day when you get a quiet moment? Watch TV and fall asleep. But, I work OUTSIDE THE HOUSE, so I don’t’ have quiet time in my day at all.  I am assuming the question relates to Sunday’s at 10 o’clock at night?

recipe card box – Notebook. Index card box. Books and books and books.

style of house – generic modern townhouse

tablecloths and napkins - y/n? sometimes, I prefer the look of wood table with place-mats. Napkins? Paper. Always paper.

under the kitchen sink – Cleaning supplies, dishwasher detergent, nifty simple human bag holder.

vacuum - how many times a week? Actually, Marc vacuums much more than I do right now, but it is about once a week.

wash - how many loads do you do a week? I have no idea. I can do as much as a load a day, or like, 3 loads a week. 

x’es - do you keep a list of things to do and cross them off? Many lists. Very few things getting crossed OFF these days.

yard - who does what? I do the gardening and landscaping. It’s my zen and I love it.

zzz’s - what is your last homemaking task for the day? Cursing the ridiculously short numbers of hours left before I have to get up and start all over again.