I asked Marc for another dog and instead I got an embryo

It’s always fun when you have some good news to share with your readers.  It’s also very hard to decide how to just tell them.

I’m pregnant.

PREGNANT.

We followed the typical, family first, close friends next route of sharing our good news.

I didn’t actually think I was pregnant and still sometimes don’t except for those moments when I get dizzy and feel like the room is spinning. This apparently is my version of morning sickness so far. Except the dizzy? It happens very randomly and at all times of the day.  For as long as I’ve been looking forward to peeing on a stick with the hopes of seeing that magical life altering second line, you can understand my dismay when the damn line actually showed up.  It took about three days before I actually believed it.  And I still haven’t put away the new boxes of tampons I bought the same day the test was positive.

The first test I took displayed a line so ridiculously faint that I described it as a visible line when you didn’t look directly at it.  That was on a Tuesday.  On Wednesday morning the line was definitely more pronounced but I still remained utterly convinced that I was imagining the line and my period, along with the anticipated and dreaded migraine was imminently stalking me.  I woke up Thursday morning and once again peed on a stick and saw a very much more definitive line and thought to myself that shit, this can’t be real but maybe I am and just in case I should call my doctor.

I went in that day for a blood test which revealed that I was, in fact, a very little bit pregnant. 

And I went home that night I told Marc.

The last two weeks of my life seem like they have gone by faster than any others. Because I totally remember being not even four weeks pregnant and now I am almost six weeks and I have my first sonogram tomorrow morning.  Perhaps that is because I have been so utterly, bone-chillingly tired that I don’t remember what I ate for dinner last night, let alone, how I got to work this morning.  Or, if I even went to work this morning.  This tired is very classic of the first trimester, and you know what? I’ll take it any day over the morning-noon-night sickness that I know plagues many other women.

When people find out you are pregnant they do one or all of three things.  One, they hug you and say congratulations; two, they ask you how this happened and when you found out, to which you respond, there was a penis in my vagina! And three, they ask if you are barfing yet.  The answers are, Thanks!; Duh – isn’t that obvious; and, thank God no!

I am however, tired beyond tired. You do not know tired until you are pregnant.  I wake up in the morning and curse my bloated belly, pee, take a shower, pee again, get dressed, eat breakfast, pee again and leave for work.  Once I’m on the train, I fall asleep in a matter of seconds and wake with a jolt when I hear “ok folks this is Silver Spring, this is silver spring”.  I stumble into my office and remain bleared eyed and exhausted for the next four hours until it is lunch time and I eat enough for a small army of Ethiopian children except that I have been eating something, pretzels, cheese, yogurt, fruit, rice cakes, orange juice, water, water, and more water nonstop since 9 o’clock.  But lunch is the best time of the day.  I fantasize about food.  I spend the morning thinking about where I will go to lunch, then, I eat lunch and start thinking about what I will cook for dinner.  I hazily stumble through the afternoon and back home again where I immediately collapse because OH MY GOD, I AM GROWING A PERSON INSIDE ME AND THAT TAKES ENERGY!

I continued to think that something dreadful would go wrong.  Blighted ovum, ectopic pregnancy, spontaneous abortion but so far, the little embryo is stuck deep and secure inside me. And no amount of Hines stepping on my stomach will dislodge it.  However, if the damn dog steps on my nipple one more time I might throw him out the window. Because your nipples? They go through some changes.

The pleasantries of pregnancy are glorious and disgusting but women discuss them openly because really, the more disgusting things that happen to your body, the more you know for sure you are actually pregnant.  Because for the first three months you really just feel like you have the world’s worst case of PMS.  I do realize that announcing to the Internet that I do not have morning sickness is totally just inviting the Gods of fate to hit me over the head with the bend over the porcelain stick.  But even that wouldn’t upset me too much.  So far I have only been cursed with a hemorrhoid.  At four and a half weeks pregnant!  HolymotherofGOD what is going to happen when there is an actual baby who puts weight on my asshole from the inside? 

The Internet tells me I am due on Christmas Day.  My doctor seems to think it is a week prior to that.  I do not agree.  I figure, since we are Jewish, it gives me something to do at the end of December, because I have always hated that Chinese food and a movie thing on the 25^th.  And, maybe I can cross my legs and hold in long enough to be the first baby of the 2008.

I’ll run a boy – girl voting contest at some point in the nearer future.

  Ok, and this week, right now, my uterus is sporting this:

Comments

[wordgirl]

OMG! Congratulations! It's just so wonderful.

[wordgirl]

OMG! Congratulations! It's just so wonderful.

[b]

Oh wow. That's just crazy! You guys must be so excited. and the 'not knowing tired' now, will seem like nothing until you have the child. the sleepless nights, etc etc.

Congratulations! of course!

Such wonderful news.

---Penis is vagina. lolol!!

[Rose]

Hooray for you!!! Hooray for Marc!!! Hooray for the baby who will have the most wonderful parents and extended family and friends. And hooray for Truck G and Truck H. Congratulations to all of you!!!! Yippee!!!!

[NG]

Congratulations!

[jaime]

L'chaim! Congrats to you and Marc! And, selfishly, I'm looking forward to the pregnancy posts with curse words :)

[Denise]

Congrats!!

[Ruby]

Congrats!!!!

But you know, as someone who was raised Baptist and does the family Christmas thing, I *love* the Chinese food and a movie thing. LOL

[Sarah Gould]

Congratulations! Great timing and I'm very happy for you!!

[Julie]

Congratulation!!!!! This is wonderful new. I hope all is well and we should do lunch or something if you have any free time. I am sure you are really really busy these days.

Congrats again!