Because I have so much time on my hands, what with all the don't dilate before you get to 37 weeks mischagas, I have been reading some blogs and today Amalah wrote about personality traits that she sees in her two year old son that resemble her actions and behaviors as a child and it got me to thinking about the fact that I had always wanted to get my shit together before I had kids.
Well, hell. I remembered this today. At 36 weeks pregnant.
So, basically, I need to think fast.
It is very important to me that I don't pass on my tendency to be negative, quick to anger, my anticipatory anxiety and the resulting panic attacks that I spent the greater part of my twenties battling. The only conciliation I have is that I have managed mild anxieties throughout my pregnancy without the aid of medication. I've forced myself to breathe and relax and realize that I need to chill the hell out and just deal with the present moment. I should continue this I know.
I want to be a calm mother. I want to teach my children to breathe when they get angry and recognize perspective, not blame themselves and doubt their abilities. I want them to be confident and not shattered by one negative teasing comment. That isn't an easy habit to teach when I don't feel so confident myself right now. I've never loved the way I look. And if I don't love my body, how do I teach my children to be healthy and strong and confident in who they are?
I want to teach my children to be open minded and fair and to take a moment each day to reflect and relax. But I don't even do this myself. I want to. But there never seems to be time. And is it okay that I only manage this with a glass of Chardonnay?
My Dad tells me that when you see your own behaviors reflected back at you in your children it is an awakening like no other. I am both horrified and excited to see what my unborn son will be like as a real person. I fear that he may take after his father and think that news is what you watch on ESPN but I would love if he slept as easily and as early as Marc does. And from me, maybe he'll inherit my awesome cooking skills and my ability to use power tools.
Staci - read your past post on Wedding Tactics mentioning you were going to be a bridesmaid in a wedding while you were (very) pregnant...I have just found out I'll be in two weddings at my 7 month mark and would love to hear more about your dress choice/fittings/lessons learned from the experience as a soon-to-be mom. Thanks and good luck with your newest addition!
Posted by: andrea | December 03, 2007 at 02:34 PM