...good fences make good neighbors and its a shame that we don't have one nine feet high all around our house.
This entry could be called an open letter to the motherfucker in my neighborhood who felt a need to write a letter to the homeowners association tattling on a handful of neighbors because they had a stray weed in their yard. I'm dead serious. I got a letter from our HOA this week telling me that we are in violation because of weeds in our yard. Now, let me be dead honest with you to give you a concept of what my front yard consists of. Mulched and weed-free flower beds take up the majority of the incredibly small space. The micro-postage stamp patch of "grass" is 100% green. I will be even more honest and say that there are a few weed but they are GREEN. You have to look very closely and very hatefully to see the weeds.
The bare patch on the left is directly on the property line. The greenery consists of some thick grass on the right and a more weedy-kind of grass on the left. The warning letter we got doesn't say anything about having a GREEN GRASSY LAWN it simply says: use weed killer and fertilizer to get rid of weeds. AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I AM GOING TO DO.
One neighbor who had a brown yard decided to spend a small fortune on rolls of sod that he brought home in the trunk of his Camry. ... Lo, I am not that stupid or that naive. In about a month and a half the brazen summer sun will brown or melt anything in its path and our front yards are in THAT path.
I also grew up in the country and as long as the yard was green, that was good enough. I am also mostly irrational on this issue because there are neighbors two and three doors down who have the typical brown patch or patch of lesser amounts of grass in their yards and they did not get a letter. I actually had a totally green lawn and got a letter.
I will be the first to admit that stubbornness is one of my finer qualities. I am also fairly rational when issues are legitimate and logical and I am also exceptionally kind. However, I know an exercise in futility when I see one; I did work in a library for fifteen months after college. check book in, put book on cart, put book on shelf, help patron, take book off shelf, check book out, book comes back into drop bin ten minutes later, check book in, put book on cart, put book on shelf, OH WAIT! I DID THAT LAST HOUR. I actually take a lot of pride in my home and its appearance which is why I make sure my flower beds are mulched and free of weeds. I usually plant some seasonally-appropriate flowers and bulbs. The grass, however?
In our neighborhood we pay monthly fees that get us warning notes for bullshit issues like this and also for some company to come through every two weeks and mow the grass. We are not responsible for our grass, right? But for the record, last summer, I watered my flowers and MY GRASS GODDAMMIT. It should also be said that I live in a community of smaller single family homes and town-homes. These are modest home, okay.
Speaking again of my stubbornness: I refuse to pay any actual cash money to remedy this SITUATION. I don't believe in using toxic chemicals like weed killers and I am a SAHM, I don't have money to through away. Also, the soil here sucks and grass doesn't grow easily. I have tried in previous years. I'm also just fucking pissed off because this complaint was totally uncalled for.
I *THINK* I might know who reported us, I suspect one neighbor in particular but I could be completely wrong too. I am actually plotting how to put GRASS killer on his lawn and accidentally spell out COCKSUCKER.
BE YE NOT SO STUPID: DO NOT FUCK WITH THE POSTPARTUM MOTHER, OY, SHE IS A BITCH.
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