A year ago: I was 17 weeks pregnant and sweating. I was sweating because it is August in Washington. I was working for a start-up non-profit company that was planning to build a "green" energy alternative power plant. I quit on November 2nd because at 32 weeks pregnant I had developed a bladder infection (no doubt from the excessively long commute with NO bathrooms and I wasn't able to drink much because hello! when you are pregnant you must pee three times for each ounce of water you take in) that was causing preterm labor contractions and cervical changes. And while I don't usually mind when my cervix wants to be a little more hip and change up its style, when it is the cork holding your baby inside you, I suppose I need to be kind to it. But that was November, we're talking August. It was Washington, it was hot and humid and for the most part my job was going well. I ran the entire administration for the company. By this time I was really looking pregnant and I loved every minute of that hard round belly and the kicks from the inside.
Today: I have a 32 week old baby boy who truly is the light of my life. He gives me purpose each day and makes me want to be a better me so I can be the best parent for him. He also sometimes makes me want to run from the house screaming and never look back, but those days are rare. And today, every cranky cry is reminding me that he will go to bed tonight and I will break open and entire bottle of wine and sip it heartily as I watch Fawlty Towers. (Can you say Hallelujah NetFlix?) I am struggling to juggle several writing obligations while trying to find time to write about what really matters to me, my family and my book ... the one I've had in my head and my heart since 2005. I'm working towards valuing myself as a mother and a wife even though those jobs are the most meaningful and rewarding they don't produce cold hard cash and for many months this was a thorn in my soul. I am really more content now and I don't beat myself up everyday for not contributing financially. I am deep in the web of family and I love where I am. Watching my son grow up each day is priceless, truly truly invaluable. My struggles are trying to absorb and memorize each minute, each smile, and each blow-out poop diaper, because after the fact, even those are funny.
A year from now: Outside of the fact that it is totally possible to be NOT pregnant today and have a three month old one year from now, I will not have a three month old one year from now. I hope to be newly pregnant, a goal I have to achieve the perfect age difference between siblings but somewhere in the blissful second trimester, no more, no less. I want to be enjoying Noah and watching him walk and talk more each day. I hope to be more secure in my writing and more able to balance a freelance schedule and hopefully making some cash from said freelance. I'd like to make a big dent in the book I am working on, even if that just means just sending out query/soliciatation/proposal letters. I want to have finished decorating Marc's room in the basement. I want to be more healthy, working out regularly and at least fifteen pounds lighter than I am today. I just plan to be very involved in my son's life and growth each day, and happy with my husband, having worked all the kinks we have at this moment and finally finishing the sentences I haven't since Noah was born. I want to make time for myself to write, exercise, and rest and breath and not feel guilty about doing so. I want to be confident and happy and active in life.
Isn't this a beautiful piece of nature? I didn't enhance the color at all, that BLUE occurred in nature! Shows how beautiful life can be ...
Comments